won't you let me be your servant...

It has been a while again, and by a while, I mean too long. For that I apologize. Last night I sat in on this week's DOOR group's reflection time, a talk about homelessness, but more than that, a talk about the unwelcomed in our society. Ana & I walked in just in time to hear the end of some pretty standard praise & worship song (I can't remember what it was), but the last song they sang before launching into discussions and reflections struck me. It was one I knew called "Servant Song". The one part says,

We are pilgrims on a journey; we are travelers on the road;
we are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load.

...
I will weep when you are weeping; when you laugh, I’ll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow ‘til we’ve seen this journey through.
...

Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant, too.

It struck me because I see my daily encounters in this song. However, I notice that my encounters with my clients, during consultations, and in the world around me that I do not intentionally weep with the women who tell me of the horrible things they have overcome or laugh with the recently married couple. For me, it is a reaction and a realization that those are truly the meaningful moments in life. To me, it's comforting that human beings are inherently social & need to share with each other. So isn't that what this entire experience is really about? Not how many applications I get filed, or translations I get done, or even how many people remember my name a week after they saw me for a consultation. It's the brief moment that I laughed with someone, or an elderly client took a few minutes to share a story about their life & wisdom with me.

When the song ended, Danielle posed a question. The group sitting in front of her consisted of middle- and high-schoolers who were visiting & volunteering in San Antonio for the week and one of DOOR's week-long groups. She asked, "Where did you see God today?" Ana & I looked at each other & laughed. She said, "I don't think I saw God today". I replied, "I was thinking the same thing". We talked for a few minutes about the fact that, in contrast to the group sitting in front of us, we don't always see God. Just like the rest of our society, we get wrapped up in the day to day tasks of our jobs, the stress, & the mundane details of life. Sometimes, this life isn't the rosy, all people are inherently good, "everything will end well" picture it's painted to be & sometimes, we just don't stop to look. I have seen a lot of pain this year, a lot of hunger, & a lot of need. Some days, as I head home, I really question where God is. And lately, I have hit a wall as my schedule gets busier & I start transitioning back to "the real world". I push myself to get as much work done as I can because my days here are numbered. I rush home & stand in my room wondering how all of that stuff is going to get back to Dallas & then on to Tulsa. So last night, I just sat, thinking about where I had seen good. And it was calming to just think...

At one point, Jim, who was speaking about homelessness & the Catholic Worker House, read the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi & I was jolted out of my meditation. When I was younger, we sang that prayer in youth choir, but somehow I really understood it in the context of the night, of my year, and of the importance of walking together & sharing the load. So as I walked home last night, the sense of calm stayed with me. I don't see God every day, whether that is my own fault as a child raised in middle-class American society or simply the fact that some days you just can't. However, taking time out from the busy, fast-paced world to look, laugh, cry and share another's load makes life a little easier. So it is my hope that we can all take a few minutes during the week to welcome the stranger, share a moment, make an effort to ease their load & maybe, just maybe, we will see God...

en paz,

jenna

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

...changes...

"I'm writing you to catch you up on places I've been, You held this letter, probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it, didn't have a camera by my side this time, hoping I would see the world through both my eyes, maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way with words..." -John Mayer

As I write this, I am sitting on a plane headed for La Guardia to visit CUNY School of Law & I find myself again faced with the question, “What next?” As seems to be the case during the spring, the past few weeks have been filled with new life, new decisions and change. Looking back, I can’t remember a spring in the past 7 or so years where I haven’t felt growing pains. This year is absolutely no different.

Life around La Casa has been full of change lately as both our unit & the MVS unit that we are so close to have welcomed new additions. Kate & I have enjoyed our new roommate Ana & the new perspective that she brings to our house. Ana is a recent seminary graduate from Piedras Negras, just across the Rio Bravo about 2 hours outside of San Antonio.

About a month ago, Hugo, Kate, Ana & I spent a weekend in Piedras Negras on our spring retreat. I enjoyed being back in Mexico, even if it was only for a weekend & also enjoyed witnessing life in a border town where change, growth, & movement are synonymous with every day life. So many of my clients come through Piedras Negras that it allowed me a little more insight into the world of immigration. As I stood on the Mexican banks of the Rio Bravo entertaining the “what if…” ideas of jumping & seeing what Border Patrol would think of me, I couldn’t help but notice the t-shirts, shoes, & other personal items that littered the ground, symbols of a life hurriedly left behind in the search for something better. What do you pull of as you are running towards a new life & what do you desperately try to cling to through the murky waters?

My family is also changing & growing this spring as my cousin, and probably one of my very first friends, gave birth to her first daughter in February. She’s absolutely beautiful & I can’t wait to meet her. Another happy sign of change within my family is that my brother proposed to his girlfriend, also a good friend of mine, & the whole family is excited about welcoming another new family member!

As for me, within the next week, I will make a decision about where I will spend at least the next 3 years of my life. I couldn’t be more excited about being able to choose between 4 law schools, but I have also begun to realize that before I know it, it will be August again & time for a change. I am still enjoying my work & life in San Antonio & I know it will be hard to leave, if & when I do. I am also learning more & more every day that complete success is often hard in immigration law, that good things don’t happen over night & that I must appreciate the small successes. I can’t get someone a green card, a work permit, or even a mild sense of security in one month, much less in one work day. Conversations, smiles, deadlines met, “Dios te bendiga”, “Eres mi ángel de la guarda”, & “Gracias” are all little successes that make days a little easier.

So just like little successes, I will take the changes of another spring in little steps...

en paz,
jenna

I'm going to law school!

I got my first law school acceptance letter today!!!

trust.

Sometimes I feel like the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 is my life. Right, you may not see the parallels at first, but I do. However, as most of my family will tell you, I have a tendency to be dramatic...

On Wednesday night we had another one of our free walk-in legal advice clinics. It's a pretty great program, in my opinion, because it brings together 3 groups, law students, people in need of legal advice, and attorneys. The law students learn valuable interviewing skills & get to put their book knowledge to use from both the clients & the attorneys. The public recieves free legal advice from qualified individuals. The attorneys recieve a warm fuzzy feeling inside from giving back to the community. I coordinate these clinics & while the event is taking place, I observe.

When I showed up at 5:00 people had already begun to show up & sign in...the clinic doesn't even begin until 6:00.  As I was running around trying to make sure that everyone had what they needed, I kept checking the list.  The number was rising, 15...20...28, and so was my panic level.  No attorneys had shown up yet, not even the ones from my office.  Finally, at 6:00, we had 48 clients waiting to be seen & 8 attorneys had magically shown up.  However, as I stood in front of the clients to welcome them to the clinic, I couldn't help but think, "Can we really see all of them in 2 hours, and who will be angry because they had to wait so long?"

Well, we saw everyone in under 2 hours, each person waiting patiently for their turn.  I am always amazed, but my boss never seems to be.  I'm not quite sure what this says about me because I have always considered myself an optimist.  I guess sometimes you just have to trust...

paz,

jenna

"Y mandó a la gente que se sentara sobre la hierba. Tomó los cinco panes y los dos pescados y, mirando al cielo, los bendijo. Luego partió los panes y se los dio a los discípulos, quienes los repartieron a la gente. Todos comieron hasta quedar satisfechos, y los discípulos recogieron doce canastas llenas de pedazos que sobraron. Los que comieron fueron unos cinco mil hombres, sin contar a las mujeres y a los niños."  Mateo 14:19-21