won't you let me be your servant...

It has been a while again, and by a while, I mean too long. For that I apologize. Last night I sat in on this week's DOOR group's reflection time, a talk about homelessness, but more than that, a talk about the unwelcomed in our society. Ana & I walked in just in time to hear the end of some pretty standard praise & worship song (I can't remember what it was), but the last song they sang before launching into discussions and reflections struck me. It was one I knew called "Servant Song". The one part says,

We are pilgrims on a journey; we are travelers on the road;
we are here to help each other walk the mile and bear the load.

...
I will weep when you are weeping; when you laugh, I’ll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow ‘til we’ve seen this journey through.
...

Pray that I may have the grace to let you be my servant, too.

It struck me because I see my daily encounters in this song. However, I notice that my encounters with my clients, during consultations, and in the world around me that I do not intentionally weep with the women who tell me of the horrible things they have overcome or laugh with the recently married couple. For me, it is a reaction and a realization that those are truly the meaningful moments in life. To me, it's comforting that human beings are inherently social & need to share with each other. So isn't that what this entire experience is really about? Not how many applications I get filed, or translations I get done, or even how many people remember my name a week after they saw me for a consultation. It's the brief moment that I laughed with someone, or an elderly client took a few minutes to share a story about their life & wisdom with me.

When the song ended, Danielle posed a question. The group sitting in front of her consisted of middle- and high-schoolers who were visiting & volunteering in San Antonio for the week and one of DOOR's week-long groups. She asked, "Where did you see God today?" Ana & I looked at each other & laughed. She said, "I don't think I saw God today". I replied, "I was thinking the same thing". We talked for a few minutes about the fact that, in contrast to the group sitting in front of us, we don't always see God. Just like the rest of our society, we get wrapped up in the day to day tasks of our jobs, the stress, & the mundane details of life. Sometimes, this life isn't the rosy, all people are inherently good, "everything will end well" picture it's painted to be & sometimes, we just don't stop to look. I have seen a lot of pain this year, a lot of hunger, & a lot of need. Some days, as I head home, I really question where God is. And lately, I have hit a wall as my schedule gets busier & I start transitioning back to "the real world". I push myself to get as much work done as I can because my days here are numbered. I rush home & stand in my room wondering how all of that stuff is going to get back to Dallas & then on to Tulsa. So last night, I just sat, thinking about where I had seen good. And it was calming to just think...

At one point, Jim, who was speaking about homelessness & the Catholic Worker House, read the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi & I was jolted out of my meditation. When I was younger, we sang that prayer in youth choir, but somehow I really understood it in the context of the night, of my year, and of the importance of walking together & sharing the load. So as I walked home last night, the sense of calm stayed with me. I don't see God every day, whether that is my own fault as a child raised in middle-class American society or simply the fact that some days you just can't. However, taking time out from the busy, fast-paced world to look, laugh, cry and share another's load makes life a little easier. So it is my hope that we can all take a few minutes during the week to welcome the stranger, share a moment, make an effort to ease their load & maybe, just maybe, we will see God...

en paz,

jenna

"Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,

Where there is hatred, let me sow love;

where there is injury, pardon;

where there is doubt, faith;

where there is despair, hope;

where there is darkness, light;

where there is sadness, joy;
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;

and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."

Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi

...changes...

"I'm writing you to catch you up on places I've been, You held this letter, probably got excited, but there's nothing else inside it, didn't have a camera by my side this time, hoping I would see the world through both my eyes, maybe I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way with words..." -John Mayer

As I write this, I am sitting on a plane headed for La Guardia to visit CUNY School of Law & I find myself again faced with the question, “What next?” As seems to be the case during the spring, the past few weeks have been filled with new life, new decisions and change. Looking back, I can’t remember a spring in the past 7 or so years where I haven’t felt growing pains. This year is absolutely no different.

Life around La Casa has been full of change lately as both our unit & the MVS unit that we are so close to have welcomed new additions. Kate & I have enjoyed our new roommate Ana & the new perspective that she brings to our house. Ana is a recent seminary graduate from Piedras Negras, just across the Rio Bravo about 2 hours outside of San Antonio.

About a month ago, Hugo, Kate, Ana & I spent a weekend in Piedras Negras on our spring retreat. I enjoyed being back in Mexico, even if it was only for a weekend & also enjoyed witnessing life in a border town where change, growth, & movement are synonymous with every day life. So many of my clients come through Piedras Negras that it allowed me a little more insight into the world of immigration. As I stood on the Mexican banks of the Rio Bravo entertaining the “what if…” ideas of jumping & seeing what Border Patrol would think of me, I couldn’t help but notice the t-shirts, shoes, & other personal items that littered the ground, symbols of a life hurriedly left behind in the search for something better. What do you pull of as you are running towards a new life & what do you desperately try to cling to through the murky waters?

My family is also changing & growing this spring as my cousin, and probably one of my very first friends, gave birth to her first daughter in February. She’s absolutely beautiful & I can’t wait to meet her. Another happy sign of change within my family is that my brother proposed to his girlfriend, also a good friend of mine, & the whole family is excited about welcoming another new family member!

As for me, within the next week, I will make a decision about where I will spend at least the next 3 years of my life. I couldn’t be more excited about being able to choose between 4 law schools, but I have also begun to realize that before I know it, it will be August again & time for a change. I am still enjoying my work & life in San Antonio & I know it will be hard to leave, if & when I do. I am also learning more & more every day that complete success is often hard in immigration law, that good things don’t happen over night & that I must appreciate the small successes. I can’t get someone a green card, a work permit, or even a mild sense of security in one month, much less in one work day. Conversations, smiles, deadlines met, “Dios te bendiga”, “Eres mi ángel de la guarda”, & “Gracias” are all little successes that make days a little easier.

So just like little successes, I will take the changes of another spring in little steps...

en paz,
jenna

I'm going to law school!

I got my first law school acceptance letter today!!!

trust.

Sometimes I feel like the story of Jesus feeding the 5000 is my life. Right, you may not see the parallels at first, but I do. However, as most of my family will tell you, I have a tendency to be dramatic...

On Wednesday night we had another one of our free walk-in legal advice clinics. It's a pretty great program, in my opinion, because it brings together 3 groups, law students, people in need of legal advice, and attorneys. The law students learn valuable interviewing skills & get to put their book knowledge to use from both the clients & the attorneys. The public recieves free legal advice from qualified individuals. The attorneys recieve a warm fuzzy feeling inside from giving back to the community. I coordinate these clinics & while the event is taking place, I observe.

When I showed up at 5:00 people had already begun to show up & sign in...the clinic doesn't even begin until 6:00.  As I was running around trying to make sure that everyone had what they needed, I kept checking the list.  The number was rising, 15...20...28, and so was my panic level.  No attorneys had shown up yet, not even the ones from my office.  Finally, at 6:00, we had 48 clients waiting to be seen & 8 attorneys had magically shown up.  However, as I stood in front of the clients to welcome them to the clinic, I couldn't help but think, "Can we really see all of them in 2 hours, and who will be angry because they had to wait so long?"

Well, we saw everyone in under 2 hours, each person waiting patiently for their turn.  I am always amazed, but my boss never seems to be.  I'm not quite sure what this says about me because I have always considered myself an optimist.  I guess sometimes you just have to trust...

paz,

jenna

"Y mandó a la gente que se sentara sobre la hierba. Tomó los cinco panes y los dos pescados y, mirando al cielo, los bendijo. Luego partió los panes y se los dio a los discípulos, quienes los repartieron a la gente. Todos comieron hasta quedar satisfechos, y los discípulos recogieron doce canastas llenas de pedazos que sobraron. Los que comieron fueron unos cinco mil hombres, sin contar a las mujeres y a los niños."  Mateo 14:19-21

International Migrant's Day

The following is something I helped to write and is being sent out on behalf of my office for International Migrant's Day to the local media:

"On Tuesday, December 18, 2007, communities around the world will celebrate International Migrant’s Day. In a season where many people in our own city, country and around the world pause to spend time with family, we need to remember that varying circumstances prevent many migrants from doing the same. International Migrant’s Day, celebrates the adoption of the 1990 U.N. International Convention on the Protection of the Rights of all Migrant Workers and Members of their Families.

One of the recognizable signs of the times today is undoubtedly migration, a phenomenon which has become an important factor of the world-wide labor market, a consequence among other things of the enormous drive for globalization. Naturally in this "sign of the times" various factors play a part. They include both national and international migration, forced and voluntary migration, legal and illegal migration, subject also to the scourge of trafficking in human beings. Nor can the category of foreign students, whose numbers increase every year in the world, be forgotten.

With regard to those who emigrate for economic reasons, it is worthwhile to mention the growing number of women involved ("feminization"). In the past it was mainly men who emigrated, although there were always women too, but these emigrated in particular to accompany their husbands or fathers or to join them wherever they were. Today, although numerous situations of this nature still exist, female emigration has become more and more autonomous. Women cross the border of their homeland alone in search of work in another country. Indeed it often happens that the migrant woman becomes the principal source of income for her family. It is a fact that the presence of women is especially prevalent in sectors that offer low salaries. If then, migrant workers are particularly vulnerable, this is even more so in the case of women. The most common employment opportunities for women, other than domestic work, consist in helping the elderly, caring for the sick and work in the hotel sector.
Famous migrants include Carlos Santana and Gloria Estefan as well as Madeleine Albright, but migrants need not be famous to offer contributions to their home and host States. In celebration of International Migrant’s Day please take a moment to celebrate the economic and cultural contributions that many migrants bring to our community, state and country and to use every opportunity to promote basic human rights."

advent

I have always loved Advent. As a kid I loved everything about it, the sanctuary decorated for Christmas, the Christmas carols, watching each candle on the wreath get lit, every Sunday getting closer to the big white one in the middle. Then on Christmas Eve, dinner and presents at my Grandparents' house, sitting in the pews with my big family. I loved the smell of candles burning, my cousins, brother & I playing with the hot wax. Then we would head home, read the Polar Express & try to fall asleep. It was all about the wonderful anticipation of Christmas Day. As a kid, like most kids, Christmas was about all the presents & the idea that it was a time of year when anything really could happen, but even then I understood that Advent was about preparation, anticipation.



That's really what Advent is about, preparing for the baby who was born in a manger, and yes, it's true that as we grow it changes from preparation for Santa to buying presents and preparing for all the things that go along with the holidays. However, it's really about the little child that will lead us. Last Sunday as we drove to church in 80 degree weather, Kate & I talked about how excited we were that Advent had begun. As the first candle on the Advent wreath was lit at the beginning of the service, I felt that same feeling of excitement and anticipation that I did when I was a kid, it is the time of year when anything can happen.

The truth is that this year, Advent, the season of preparation finds me preparing for many different things. December so far has been filled with the LSAT, a Naturalization Workshop, and appointments with clients so I am ready to go to Pennsylvania in two weeks.

However, there has also been a sense of preparation in the appointments that I have had with clients. A woman came into our office last week inquiring about the progress of her case, our office manager told her that I was working on the case & she could set up an appointment with me. The woman was anxious because, again, the holidays were coming and she would spend them, again, without her teenage daughter. I explained to her how dangerous the border was right now, and that the truth was that if she crossed, she would jeopardize our ability to help her. On the inside, my heart was breaking because I would not be able to stand the thought of Christmas without at least part of my big, loud, loving family. This woman isn't alone, though, the reality is that all over south Texas and across the border states, immigrants are preparing for an incredibly dangerous journey home for the holidays. The path is long and rough and some may not live and some may not make it back. The Christmas story itself starts much like this, immigrants on a long and dangerous road, preparing for the birth of Christ.

My Christmas list this year includes many things that you can buy in a store, but the truth is that one of the things I want the most is peace, peace for the immigrant, peace for the soldier, peace for the hurting family, peace for those whose hearts ache with lonliness, peace for everyone...

en paz,
jenna

"I have traveled
Many moonless nights
Cold and weary
With a babe inside
And I wonder
What I've done
Holy Father
You have come
And chosen me now
To carry Your Son
I am waiting
In a silent prayer
I am frightened
By the load I bear
In a world as cold as snow
Must I walk this path alone
Be with me now
Be with me now
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Light in my darkness
Pour over me
Your holiness
For You are holy
Breath of Heaven
Do you wonder
As you watch my face
If a wiser one
Should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me
Breath of Heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven
Light in my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness
For You are holy"

Mary's Song

bus rides...

If you spend more than about 5 minutes talking to me about my experiences so far in San Antonio, you will realize that I love riding the bus to work. I like not being completely in control of when I arrive, it makes me slow down & remember that waiting is OK. There is nothing that I hate more than traffic, paying for gas, the reality that one car for every person is excessive &, at times, driving in general.

I have been working at the photo booth that our office has out at the Department of Homeland Security offices. Basically, the photo booth allows clients at DHS to have their required passport-sized photos taken even after they are already through security & it's a little cheaper than the nearest photo booth. I was filling in for the man who usually works out there because he was ill. It was an interesting experience and not always uplifting. Some of the clients that come in are happy because they have recently passed their naturalization test & for the first time in a while, do not have to worry about the possibility of deportation, but for the most part, clients are nervous. Although many people may believe that the possibility of deportation goes away when you get a visa or receive resident status, that's not true. Until you are a U.S. citizen, the possibility of deportation is always real. On a more selfish note, I had a lot of down time to get bored & I missed my bus rides, I had to drive to work. The fact is, it was a rough week or so for me.

Today I returned to our office on the west side & things were busy enough to make up for the time I was gone. Between getting information out about our upcoming legal clinics & naturalization workshop & the usual Wednesday consultations & the mail run, I kept busy. I also went back to riding the bus.

This afternoon, not long after I got on the bus a man got on, sat down behind me & started playing the harmonica. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before I heard, "Mija, do you have change for a dime? Nickles, pennies?". I opened my eyes to see an older man with his palm open, a dime in it. I smiled, mostly because he had addressed me as mija (kinda of a contraction of mi & hija, "my child/daughter", it's common for anyone to refer to someone younger than them as mija or mijo), but also because of what he had asked. Change for a dime may seem silly in our world where a dime buys almost nothing anymore. I started digging in my bag, happy to get rid of change because I hate it. I found a few nickles & pennies & gave them to him. The man with the harmonica had stopped playing & said, "You have a good heart. Most people would have ignored him". Now, the goodness of my heart really could be hotly debated. Those 11 cents don't mean that I have a good heart. What struck me is that most people wouldn't have ignored just that man, most people ignore people, me included. The important part of my bus rides, my job (whatever building it's in & whatever it entails), & my life is to slow down, wait, & pay attention to the people who come in & out of my life. It does not really matter whether I am organizing clinics, taking pictures, saving the world, or washing dishes for work, but the relationships in my life. And for that I'm thankful...

I hope everyone can pause & take the time to slow down & enjoy the people in your life, even if they are just passing through to ask change for a dime.

en paz,
jenna